By limiting your time with your mother-in-law, dealing with her difficult behavior, and attempting to address or become aware of the issues in your relationship with her, you can safely and responsibly learn to ignore your mother-in-law.
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By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Method 1. All rights reserved. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. Disengage with your mother-in-law if you start getting annoyed.
If spending time with your mother-in-law is making you angry or annoyed, try removing or distancing yourself from the conversation. Calmly excuse yourself, or ask someone nearby if they have any thoughts on the topic. This will allow you to remove yourself from the situation. You could excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, to go and refresh your drink, or simply to go talk to someone else. Detach yourself emotionally from her. Remind yourself that you don't need to consider her as a part of your family if you don't want her to be.
If she or your spouse complains, calmly explain that you don't feel comfortable calling her "mom. Limit your interactions. While ignoring your mother-in-law completely should be a last resort, you can reduce the amount of time you spend with her. Talk to your spouse about which events you are able to miss, as it might be important to them that you go to some.
However, you can also explain that you don't want to go to an event. A successful relationship is based on communication and compromise. Distance yourself physically from your mother-in-law. If you live nearby your mother-in-law, it may be easier for her to come by unannounced.
Talk to your spouse about some of the benefits and costs of moving house, rather than just moving to help you ignore your mother-in-law. It could be a point on the list, rather than the entire reason for moving. Talk to your spouse about cutting your mother-in-law off completely.
If you want to ignore your mother-in-law because she is emotionally manipulative or abusive, cutting her off temporarily or permanently might be the only option.
Talk to your spouse about why you think she is a negative presence in your life, and discuss what the best option for your family will be. Approach the subject gently with your spouse — remember, your mother-in-law is their mother, meaning they will have a different relationship. Stay calm, discuss the situation, and explain why you think cutting your mother-in-law off is the right move. You could say something like "I don't feel like the relationship we have with your mother is healthy, and it's causing me a lot of stress.
Could we talk about reducing the time we spend with her or the access she has to us? Method 2. Express your feelings to your spouse. Talking to your spouse about your issues with your mother-in-law may make it easier for you to handle them. In a study reported by T he Wall Street Journal she said that when a son married their mothers had more uncertainty and insecurity. Will he visit or call less often?
Will he spend holidays with the family? But she says daughters-in-law can do their part too by keeping their mother-in-law involved in the family she says pick your battles. Leave a comment. Her grandkids. She has a nerve. Shauna Anderson. Listen Now. This Glorious Mess.
But in fact, in many cases it is a two way street. Tags: babies children fatherhood kids motherhood parenting-2 weddings-and-marriage women. Top Comments H. Mother in-laws should go make them selves Some friends and find something else to fill their time with. Seriously the big nosey nose is not wanted in a marriage.
It was like having 3 in a bed. Hi all, I need some help.. So im living with partner he has a 1 month old his mother is living with us because her husband passed away just last year.
Sound familiar? If you're like most moms, you can weather the friction with your own parents way better than you can with your in-laws. After all, you've been negotiating with your parents forever. With your in-laws, you aren't always sure what you're allowed to say and how you're expected to express it. You may find yourself saying the wrong thing and hurting their feelings. Or you may keep silent while your resentment grows and grows. And just to make things even more complicated, your husband probably has a huge investment in keeping his parents happy.
As one mom says, "Every time I bring up something that my in-laws did or said that bothered me, my husband just starts defending them and makes excuses for them. You may never feel as comfortable with your mate's family as with your own, but working out such squabbles is crucial: These people will be in your life for a long time.
Of course, it's impossible to head off all clashes. But there are ways to cool down even the hottest hot-button issues:. In-town grandparents may expect to be included in every family outing; long-distance ones can monopolize vacation time: "My in-laws only make the trip to our house once a year, so they expect us to spend all our vacations with them," says one Tennessee mom.
Like all the moms quoted in this article, she didn't want to go public. Before you can cure grandparents of wanting too much of your family's time, you have to get your husband on board with the idea of cutting them back. And even though kids do thrive when they have close relationships with grandparents, it's equally important for you to have some time, guilt-free, to strengthen your own family bond, says Susan Newman, Ph.
So let your husband know that what you want is to have more time together, not to punish his parents, and he'll be more likely to see things your way. Then be prepared to compromise: You may need to cut back on your own parents' visits.
If your husband sees you making sacrifices, he's less likely to resent the ones you want him to make. And you both need to plan your vacation time so that you take some family trips each year sans relatives.
As for the grandparents, let your husband figure out the best way to tell them that your next visit won't happen as soon as they'd like. If he has a hard time confronting his parents, tell him he has to — you need to keep your relationship with them on an even keel and they'll accept the news better from him anyway.
To lessen the sting, you can step up your efforts to make your ILs feel connected in other ways: Scan the kids' artwork and e-mail it, and encourage frequent telephone chats with the grandkids. They won't like the change, but if all goes well, they'll come to accept it as the norm. With in-laws who live close by, the trick is to avoid an ugly confrontation but still get what you need.
If you don't want your in-laws tagging along on every special outing, just keep mum about the immediate-family-only ones. If one of the kids spills the beans, explain that you've already made plans but you'd love to have them over for supper later in the week instead.
Especially if you offer a compromise, they ought to be okay, says Newman. I really flipped out then. The trick is to be firm without looking like you're accusing your in-laws of deliberately putting their grandkid in danger. As calmly as you can, tell them it makes you feel too uncomfortable when they do things their way. You can say, "I know things were different when you were raising kids, but our doctor insists on [whatever safety measure they're flouting] and we need to be absolutely sure everyone is following her instructions.
But some advice isn't welcome and may be dead wrong. If your in-laws tell you to spank a child who's throwing a tantrum, just state your position directly: "We think time-outs work really well with Evan. When Kohl herself oversteps, her daughter-in-law says, "Don't worry, I can handle it," and then changes the subject. But sometimes you can't just blow it off.
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